Holding onto someone else's baby is like trying to hold in an upset stomach thought Lucy. At some point all she wanted to do was let go of the load and wash her hands.

Lucy had finally found her little slice of heaven on a plate while on a quick jaunt through the countryside. She did have to wonder though, where would she be able to buy pork and cream pies back home? The realisation that this was to be her last pork and cream pie, or "pream" as she liked to affectionately refer to them, made her shudder with despair. The world suddenly seemed like a very dull place but given time, her stools would probably be grateful.

When Lucy turned thirty, she really let the wind out of her sails. And by wind I mean flatulence, and by sails I mean skirt...

Molly laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling. The ceiling was cracked, like her arse.

When I said I wanted to remain good friends, what I really meant was "I hope our paths never cross again" thought Lucy as she gingerly purchased her second pregnancy test for the day.

A quick nipple tweak and she was on her way